like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
