My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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