remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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