so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
