The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
