I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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