Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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