I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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