im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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