fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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