dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
