I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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