There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
