Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
