If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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