If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
