i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
