Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
