what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
