your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
