glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
