some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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