My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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