It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
