well you can't waste a boner
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
