Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
