you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
