did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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