The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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