i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
