Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
