Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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