you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We have so much sex to catch up on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
