I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
