I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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