We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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