You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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