sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
