i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
