i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
