You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
