Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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