meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I faked an abortion last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
