so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
