KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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