pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my poor anus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
