also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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