Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
