So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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