We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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