can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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