Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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