alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this boner is exhausting
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
