guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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