toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
