That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ttyl tear gas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
